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02 February 2006 @ 07:09 pm
A Turd To Be Reckoned With  
On my way upstairs for the night (or, "up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire," as the Brits would have it) and I spot a small piece of landscape bark on the landing. I nudge it with my foot and realize my first impression was erroneous: it's too rounded to be bark, it's too dense, and I live with kobolds.

I'm too lazy to go fetch a kleenex for the job, so after a moment's hesitation during which I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fully leave the turd lie, I finally pick the thing up with my bare hands, run it to a toidy and flush it. Washwashwashwash hands.

For some of you, maybe this is nothing. For others, maybe it's unthinkably gross. For me, I've had worse. And I've learned the direct approach is the safest. One time I was scooping Maimer's litterbox and there was a little lone poo on the floor next to the box. After chasing it around a bit with the scoop, I finally pinned it against the box side and tried to wiggle the scoop under it. It was a stalemate for about eight seconds (a liftime in turd terms), which was broken when the scoop slipped, the poo broke free and BECAME AIRBORNE, arcing right past my face. My life flushed--I mean flashed--before my eyes. When I'd recovered from the shock, I scurried after the errant feces, snatched it up and tossed it in with its brothers. Bare hands.

See, bare hands are nothin'. It helps to have some perspective. If I'd been yawning, I coulda had that thing in my mouth.

 
 
Feeling: nauseatednauseated
Listening to: Clocks - Coldplay
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 3rd, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
It's Lindsay!
Okay, just had to comment-I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU TOUCH POO WITH YOUR BARE HANDS!!!! Who are you and where have you put Monk...err..Erin? (glad to see you're making some progress on the germ front!)
I guess it's also not so bad if you know (or suspect) where the poo is coming from (and that it's not yellow. Or on the floor in front of the circ desk).
And speaking of poo in the mouth while yawning....

"Cyndi's airborne critic

Somewhere over Massachusetts is a sparrow who apparently doesn't care for '80s rock.

Cyndi Lauper was reaching for a high note during her opening number at Saturday's KISS-108-sponsored concert in Mansfield, Mass., when from the sky came a white glob of bird poop.

The fecal critique landed in her open mouth.

Showing more aplomb than Tippi Hedren ever displayed in "The Birds," the Brooklyn-born rocker wiped her tongue on her sleeve and kept on rockin'.

The 50-year-old singer did kvetch backstage that a bird once plopped on her head while she was on stage.

"My grandmother says it's good luck, but I think it's disgusting," she moaned.

Maybe birds just want to have fun."

I totally saw a video of it on VH1's most outrageous concert moments- so funny!

good luck with future poo stories! What's that? the flying brown!
Lindsay